:(

The thing with depression. Just when you think things are starting to feel better and improve, it comes back. The sinking feelings, the anxiety and the desire to disappear from the world. To not think, to not feel. The numbness is better than the constant anxiety and feeling that you'll never be good enough :( 

When you lose interest in the things you love, when you no longer care about things or anything in general. 

The tiredness and lethargy. :( 

Social Media

So

So 

So

So

What have I got to say about social media??? 

I'm ever so slightly obsessed. So to fix this, I have a plan.

No Twitter or Facebook (main account) for an entire weekend. If I can survive this then I won't be re-installing the apps on my phone. So if people want to contact me they'll have to wait for me to go on my laptop. 

So yes, it's bye bye Twitter and bye bye Facebook starting today. 

New Year!! New me!!! Wait what????

So today's the day I write my New Years post. Kind of late I know, but hey does anyone actually wait for this?? Noope didnt think so. 

So where should I begin??  Oh yes New Years resolutions of 2014!!! Woop 

So I failed

I failed to complete them all. 

Lose weight?? Yes but only 7kg's and ended up gaining 5kgs back. 

Visit Hobbiton?? Nope :/ didn't want to go on my own :,)

Learn to drive? Kinda, I now know how to drive, though I still need a million lessons and still need to take the test. 

Meet new people?? Check, check and check x3 

Get a job?? Booyaaa hunny, I got 3!!! 

Get out more?? Hell yeah, day trips out and weekends away and mini road trips with friends!!

Do fun and crazy things??? Can I just say  CANYON SWING!!!!! OMG was it amazing and fun and crazy and omg!!!

Become more confident?? Maybe?? But only time will tell :) Id like think I have but you know, who knows for sure?? 

Okay so this year, what do I plan to achieve???

More tattoos!!

More piercings!!( just the ears) 

Lose weight!!! 

Meet Serahrahrahrahrahrahraharah!!!

Meet Nina~chan!!! 

Go to London with my mom!!

Pass my drivers test!! XD 

Get a job!!

Holiday to New Zealand!!!

Road trip!! 

Go to Japan!!!

Get a car!!! 

Whew what a list!! Hopefully I'll be able to achieve all of them :3 might have to drag Serah to NZ to visit Hobbitton with me >:D Mwuhaha 

So yeah here we go again!!!

DECEMBER!!

Okay so let's start things with saying "WOW!!" It feels as if the year had only just started and it's coming to an end already. Which means that in less than 50 days I'll be leaving to go back to the UK. As you'd probably guess this isn't the worst news in the world. but to be honest it's not the best news either. I love New Zealand, more so due to the people as opposed to the country, but i suppose it could be worse. So far since being here it has been a bit of a roller-coaster journey. There have been good times and Just don't even go there times, but as of right now I can safely say I wouldn't change a thing. The things that have happened have taught me some valuable life lessons and I'm not about to forget them in a hurry. So what are these lessons, I suppose I should answer that right?? 

 So life lesson one: Look after Number 1 and by number 1 I mean ME/YOU/I, basically yourself. This doesn't mean you have to become self-centered, but to look out for you. Okay??

 Next life lesson: Actions have consequences, whether they are good or bad. You make your bed and you have to lie in it. Sometimes the decisions of others can affect you, and all you can do is stand tall, head up high and ride out the storm. 

 So the very last lesson is simple, Have opinions, have goals, have desires, dreams, wishes, hopes and aspirations and most of all have faith that one day your dreams will come true. But most of all remember this, when one door closes another door opens. You may not see the light now, but in time all will become clear.

"For with each dawn, she found new hope that someday, her dreams of happiness would come true."

So I guess I should quit with the life coaching attempts, heh ¬.¬'' I guess i'm not good at it after all, but oh well. Right so what else can I update you with. Well lets see, the last post I really had a good talk to you with, kinda ended on a depressing note. But I can say since then things have been moving on up. Booyahh hunny!! Right so my birthday happened, I got a new job, I went on a road trip with friends and I started learning to drive. So yeah, not that much has happened but it's been far more eventful than my life has been since I finished school. Guess that shows how much of an anti-social person I am. 

I'm 22 and next year (no surprise) I'll be turning 23. I'd have thought that by now I'd have everything in life basically sorted. Well guess what, it hasn't happened yet. I'm still as childish as ever and I still have no control over my life. So how do you suppose I change this?? First step, learning to drive. Once I have managed to do that my world will open up. I won't be relying on others to get me from A to B, I'll be able to take myself places. So what are my future plans aside from driving? I plan on learning to love myself and appreciate me for what I can provide on my own. I want to be able to buy my own car, rent my own place and hold a steady job. I don't want to be a woman who needs a man, but rather a woman that a man needs. :| Yeah that sounded way better in my head that it does on here but hopefully you get the message right?? It's not like people take that much notice of what I write on here, or do they?? 

Okay so lets switch it up. For the past couple of months I've noticed things changing. I'm no longer agreeing with everything people say and I've kicked the people pleasing habit to a certain degree. I've been doing things my way and have started to feel better for it. I am me and no-one else can be a better me. 

So maybe I should tell you a little bit about myself ( not that you don't know too much already ) 

I'm a 22 year old woman trying to swim in the sea of life. I have lots of hobbies and interests but they all seem to be old granny hobbies; Crosstitching, Sewing, Baking, Knitting, scrapbooking etc... I love music, I basically have a favourite song from every genre, from the heavy metal and Screamo, to the classical melodies. I also love movies, with my favourite genre being thriller/psychological horrors and my least fave genre being comedies. But on saying that I do love  a good Adam Sandler movie, Will Smith, The carry on series and a couple more comedy films :/ SO I guess I'm a bit of a contradiction. But the truth be told that's me all over. I don't like dogs and yet I want a puppy, I hate the colour pink and yet I have pretty much everything in pink. I prefer Winter to summer, Spring to Autumn. White to Black, Gothic to girly, Night to day and the list goes on. My lucky number is 7, though I always seem the find the number 3 doing more favours for me. I love Tarot cards and mystical creatures such as fairies, demons, witches and all things magical, but I don't believe in them. My star sign is cancer and my favourite crystal is Amethyst. So that's it, I don't think I've missed too much out :3

Right so as for the life changing lessons, this is what I've been doing to fix all the mistakes that I keep making. I try to be happy and not let stress get to me which has caused me to develop the f**k it mentality. kinda strange right. The mentality is this, I was anxious about flying to New Zealand on my own, but then suddenly I realised If I didn't take that step I'd be stuck in my hometown forever, the solution is simple, I just thought f**k it, and pushed myself forward. Another way for you to look at it is the "bite the bullet" theory. As at the end of the day if you don't try then you'll always fail, but if you take that chance you have the opportunity to succeed in life. I chose to stop letting my fears control my life, I'm in the driving seat now and THIS IS MY LIFE!!!!

Anime tag :3

Here are 25 questions to be answered (all anime related, of course!) and if you're an anime fan and have some free time, you should do this tag too :D I saw this on Serah's blog so here we go :3 

~~~

Question 1.
Who is your favourite male anime 
Oh man is this a difficult question, but if I had to pick one male character I would have to say Kai from Beyblade. He's the first character that comes to mind and I've always loved him, it used to be a tie between him and Duo Maxwell from Gundam Wing. :3  

Question 2.

Who is your favourite female anime character?

Again, another hard question! So let's go with the first that comes to mind, so her I go. . . . RYOKO!! From Tenchi Muyo :3 Love Love Love Loooooovvvvvvveeeee her!!!! <333

Question 3.

What is your favourite anime soundtrack?

I'd have to go with the soundtrack from either Escaflowne or Ghost in the shell : Stand alone complex :3 wooo 

Question 4.

What is your favourite anime opening song + animation?

Without a doubt it would have to be the Japanese opening of Escaflowne XD I love it :3 

http://youtu.be/TJZATeQvwpo

Question 5.

What is your favourite anime ending song + animation?

Hmmm I would have to pick the ending of Prince of Tennis :3 

http://youtu.be/OvBg5LHbbmo

I love it more for the song than the animation but still I love it :3

Or maybe even the ending to Outlaw Star :3 

http://youtu.be/d5yjcPHEhIk

Question 6.

What is your favourite anime scene?

Ummmmmm hmmmm what scene shall I pick??? Man oh man is this hard to pick :,) maybe, or maybe not .... Hmmm maybe the scene at the end of episode 13 of Ghost Hunt :,) that was such a sad yet heartwarming scene. I won't spoil it but man just watch it and if you don't cry well then clearly you have no heart 😭

Question 7.

If you could meet any anime character, who would it be?

Good question, I would probably want to meet Mai from Ghost Hunt :3 She's such a positive character and I think I'd have a lot to learn from her :) 

Question 8.

What anime character is most similar to you in terms of personality?

Hmmm let's see :/ I would love to say that I am like Tohru Honda, but I guess others would probably pick other characters. 

Question 9.

What is your favourite thing about anime?

I love everything about anime. EVERYTHING!! The story's, the character designs, the scenery and most of all the other fans. It's like a family that you have become a part of. An amazing form of escapism and yeah I just LOVE it!!! XD 

Question 10.

What is your least favourite thing about anime?

I don't like it when my favourite series end :3 and that's about it really :,)

Question 11.

Who are your favourite anime couple?

EASY ANSWER <333

My favourite anime couple are Chizuru and Ryu!!! Man are they so so so adowwable and cute :3 I love them so much :3 

They're just the CUTEST THING EVER!! <33

Question 12.

Who is your favourite anime animal?

Okay, so the only epic animal that springs to mind is Tiger :3 A gorgeous blue wolf :3 

Question 13.

What anime would make a good game?

I think pretty much every anime you can think of has a game adaption or was a game first.. :F

... Honestly I would have to say Drqgon Ball z, it already has a couple of games, but if like to see a different type of game. One where you get to play out the story :3

Question 14.

What game would make a good anime?

Okay, so I would have to agree with Serah as I would love to see these games turned into anime XD man would they be epic!! There's so much detail in the games that they'd have a lot of material to work with :)

Another Code: Two Memories (DS)

Another Code: R - A Journey Into Lost Memories (Wii)

Actually...Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon (Wii) would also be a great game to make into an anime! O:

Question 15.

What was the first anime you ever watched?

Before I knew what anime was, I'd have to say Sailor Moon, but actively knowing what anime is, I guess it would have to be Naruto. 

Question 16.

Do you think you'll ever stop watching anime?

I know I haven't been watching anime as much recently, but I can safely say that I'll never fully stop. When I have kids I'll just force them to watch it, mwuhahahahahaha XD

Question 17.

What is your favourite genre of anime?

Honestly I don't have a favourite genre, I love different series from pretty much every genre. Yaoi, Yuri, Horror, Shojo, Shounen and everything else :3

Question 18.

What is your least favourite genre of anime?

Hmmm maybe comedy?? I don't really like comedy anything :,)

Question 19.

Are you open about watching anime with people you know?

Sure why not?? If they want to watch it then yeah, but I wouldn't make them watch it with me. 

Question 20.

Have you ever been to Japan?

Sadly, no. I'd love to go one day, but I have some things to work out first before I plan any holidays :,)

Question 21.

What anime was the biggest let down for you?

Hmm maybe One Piece :O shocking I know, but honestly I prefer just reading the Manga. I felt it was a let down as the voice actors for Luffy are so painful to listen to, both English and Japanese :,( 

Question 22.

What anime was better than you expected?

Kyo kare maoh!! It was amazing, I didn't think it would be good, but man was I wrong :O

Question 23.

What is the best anime fight scene?

All of them in Dragon Ball Z, Naruto and One Piece XD sorry I can't pick one :,)

Question 24.

Who is your anime waifu and/or hasubando?

Every anime fan has both a waifs and a hasubando, so here are mine :3 

Syo-kun and Komari-chan <333

I think they'd make a perfect couple, especially if I were Komari-chan :3 

Question 25.

What was your favourite video game as a child?

Any of my brothers games, so Games like Soul blade and Grand turismo :) 

Okay so yep, here are my answers, hopefully you learnt something :3 have a nice day :3 

(>^-^)>*<(^-^<) 

Filofax

So let me explain. Recently I've been obsessed with watching Filofax videos on YouTube, strange I know but for some reason highly addictive. I've always wanted a filofax since I was a child, seeing my dad use his and it seemed so grown up and awesome. But for the same reason as when I was younger I never really got one. The reasons being, I don't have a hectic schedule so I never really needed an expensive diary. But after watching the YT videos I decide to dive in and give it a go. I'm hoping to organise my life a little bit better. Mainly do that I can keep track of my spending, the hours I work (it changed each night) and how lazy I am and by that I mean looking at how many days I sit around doing nothing. 

So let's get started. I ordered a Personal sized Apex Filofax in green, which comes with the basic inserts. 

The next step is to print out the "fun" inserts to jazz up the boring planner. So as I love Disney I've gone for some Alice in wonderland inspired diary pages :3 

Cute right? :3 

So this is what I'll be working with to start off with, I'll be making some things myself like the dividers so I'll update when it's halfway set up :D so yup not a very exciting update but at least it something right? So if you've done anything amazing this week please feel free to comment telling me about it so I can sit here and be jealous. Lol 

(>^-^)>*<(^-^<)

~Leigh~ 

25 questions tag

1. Most embarrassing moment.
Hmm, when I was younger I was asked to hand my sisters boyfriend his Christmas present, as I gave it to him I was like "enjoy your cd" >\\\\< it was still wrapped :,) 

2. a) Can you drive?
No, but I've had one lesson XD

2. b) Do you own a car?
Nope :,)

3. Are you mature?
Haha nope, sometimes, maybe, yeah definitely not. :/

4. What year were you born?
1992 (the year of... The Monkey)

5. Do you prefer cats or dogs?
Cats :3

6. Describe yourself physically.
I'm 5"3, chubby but not fat, more like soft :/ haha yeah I'm weird at describing things. Hmm I have just below shoulder length brown hair, hazel eyes and pale pale skin :,)

7. What would you name your first child?
I've only really ever thought of boys names so it would be a choice of either 

Kai - Vaughn - Malachite :3 

All names of anime characters haha :p

8. What is the worst injury you have ever had?
Broken wrist :3

9. What is your worst habit?
Playing with my hair and or always being a pessimist :(

10. Do you drink or smoke?
I drink rarely and no I don't smoke :3

11. Do you have a tattoo?
Yes, I have 3 :)

An elf, a swallow and the jokers face :3 

12. Are you a morning or night person?
I am the Night :3

13. Have you ever slept past midday?
Always

14. Do you regret anything?
Nope, everything's a lesson :3 

15. Can you count the number of friends you have on one hand?
Yes :,( 

Internet friends no XD 

16. Do you wear glasses?
Nope! Okay yes, but technically I'm now wearing contacts :)

17. Are you a picky eater?
Yes and it's so damn annoying >X(

18. Would you die for someone?
No, I would most things for people but not die for them :/

19. If you could have any super power, what would it be?
Mind reading, for the simple fact that I hate not knowing what people think of me :,) insecure I know :( Either that or the ability to walk through walls :)

20. Do you believe in the supernatural?
Yeah, no, maybe somewhere in between :/ not sure, I'll get back to you with this one 

21. Would you rather be rich or famous?
I'd want to be rich so that I could give my family and friends the lifestyle that they deserve :) so that they're not breaking their backs on overtime and that they get to have a few luxuries in life, like a mortgage free house or just a debt free life :3

22. Have you ever committed a crime?
No

23. Pirates or ninjas? Time Traveller or ghost?
Ninja pirates? Oooh I can't pick :,)

24. Does someone have a crush on you?
Haha yeah right, have you seen me??? Plus I'm the most socially awkward person you would ever meet :,( 

25. Are you in a relationship?

Nope, but I'm okay with that. Being single is working for me at the moment :3

So that's the 25 questions out of the way XD So Serah how did I match up?? Hahaha you probably knew most of the answers to these anyway, but to anyone else I hope this was helpful or at least amusing to read. So now you know a bit more about me, let's see what your like :3