*insert update title here*

Okay, so every time I come on here I seem to only post updates, which once again is what I am doing now. So with out furtheradew (<.< sounds better spoken >.>) here is my update.

College -  I have only passed one of my AAT level 3 exams and as a result I have decided that enough is enough for now and have finished the course. I will however go back to it at a later date through a different provider and hopefully pass it :) Although I failed I'd like to consider it a proud failure as I never expected to even pass one exam on this level.

Work - I'm still at the same job as I've had for the past two years which is amazing for me. As usually due to no fault of my own (contracts ending, moving country, etc) I never stay in one place for longer than a year,  out of all the jobs I've had to date this is my longest running role and I'm so happy. I have become an important member of staff in my office and I feel that I work well with the other people in our office. I'm learning new things constantly and picking up new skills which will help me in the future should anything happen with my job. I am an accounts clerk now as opposed to an apprentice and its nice to finally be a normal staff member :)

Life - My life has always been a rollercoaster, and not much has changed in that respect. Well some things have changed but nothing really out of the ordinary. Things that have changed have mainly been materialistic or superficial as of late such as buying my very first MacBook and finally starting on my Alice in wonderland sleeve tattoo on my left arm. I also have a big thigh piece booked in for the 19th of this month and I'm so excited to get it done :)

Tattoos- As I mentioned above I recently got some and have planned some new tattoos. So for any not who reads this and is curious to why I got them, then here it is. I've always hated myself and my body and for as long as I can remember I've wanted to change how I look. So in September of 2011 whilst I was on holiday in Bulgaria I decided to make a change, I got my first tattoo and OMG the happiness I felt at that moment was amazing. For the first time ever I was happy with my body. I loved my new tattoo and it made me happy, something that my family and friends commented on. so there it is, the reason I get tattoos is simple, they make me happy and proud of my body. With tattoos I am able to have pieces of art with me wherever I go, I am a walking canvas for someone else's masterpieces. As a result I'm starting to love my body. Tattoos may not be for everyone but I hope that you will respect me in my choice to get them even if you personally wouldn't have any.

FAT!! - right so as I've said countless times on here, I hate my body, so to combat this I am going to attempt to change this. I will be re-joining the gym at the end of the month and switching to a HEALTHY low calorie diet in order to shift my weight. I plan to eat healthy ( 3 meals & 3 snacks a day) and to exercise at least 4 times a week. Starting with gentle exercises working up to intense work out sessions. I'll hopefully start doing some classes when I'm a lot fitter and can actually last the whole class. When I start my journey I will try and post my progress here, with my start weight and then posting anytime I see or feel some changes :)

So this is all for my updates, I don't have much else to say atm, which is good and for a change my update this time was pretty positive :D


So once again I anyone has read this, please feel free to comment bellow and ask me anything. Share how your day was and just say hi :) I don't expect many people to see this but it's still nice to know that even one person does :)


bye for now :)

2017 update

Okay, so I haven't updated this site in the past two years. I guess that's not really that important as people don't really read my posts. But that's okay since I only really use this as a random place to put my thoughts. In some ways it's like talking to someone even though I don't get a response. I find it helpful.

Anywhoo, so what has happened in the past two years. Well for one I passed AAT level 2 which was an amazing achievement for me as I never though I'd last longer than a few months on the course. I was able to make my supervisor in work proud, which is good as I have since been put forward to learn new tasks and skills in my work. I continued on to do level 3 which is an Advanced Diploma in Accounting, I've since found it to be a lot trickier than the previous level and even if I pass the year I know I won't be continuing onto the next level.

In case anyone does read this and is a little bit confused, I am currently an apprentice Accountant in the accounts department of a steel stockholders. As a result I am being trained in a specific area of accounts but that's okay as I personally don't think I'd be able to work in the other sectors. (constantly correcting typing errors here >.<)

What else can I update with? hmm . . .  so as of last year I am no longer a single pringle in a bagel world. I now have a boyfriend *insert applause here* yay me. So other than that there isn't really much to update on. I have planned a few tattoos so hopefully I'll get those done soon :) I plan to start my sleeve on my left arm and get a few pieces on my left leg. I still need to word on the designs for my right side but that can wait as I have plenty of time :)

Well that's my mini update, I'll try to post more often from now on but for now that's all from me. so bye bye :)

Update - June 2015

Okay!

Okay okay okay okay okay okay! 

So, as always I'm going to start this post complaining about my life followed by my idealistic plans on how I'm going to fix things (which never actually end up happening) and end it on a "oh well that's life" note. 

Right? Here comes the complaining. My life is dull boring and not at all what I had dreamed it would be like when I was a child. My day consists of -wake up - work - eat - bath - sleep and repeat! Which is boring. So where do I start? I need to change things. If I don't I'll end up going insane. 

So, clearly 2015 isn't shaping up tooo well to be MY year, but it's not over yet, or so I say. I hope to change things. It's just at the moment it's a little bit tricky. hopefully things will change soon and I'll be able to make changes that will be of benefit to me. 

What do I need to change? It's simple, my dependency on others. I rely too much on others and every-time I get let down, as I'm clearly not high enough up on their priorities.

Another thing I am going to do is stop wasting energy on trying to make things work with people. I spend time worrying whether or not people are going to like me or not and I've had enough. I'm sick of trying hard to get people to see the real me. But now I no longer care. I'm no longer going to be the person everyone wants me to be, I'm not the baby, I am my own person and I have dreams and goals and aspirations.

I don't want to live in this small town all my life. I want to escape and start a new. I look around my room and feel nothing towards my possessions, things I used to love. These past two years have taught me valuable lessons, that it's people that matter not things. I lost two very important people in my life and it made me realise this, life is short, you never know what tomorrow brings. so I ask myself this question, If I were to die tomorrow, would I be able to say I lived my life to the full? The answer is no. No I haven't. I live in a town I loathe in a country I hate. But I suppose that isn't going to change anytime soon. Is it even realistic to dream I'll ever be able to move to New Zealand. I wish I could give up on that dream, but I can't, I've tasted freedom and it's too good to give up.

So how am I going to change, well first step is going to happen shortly. Fingers crossed it happens. Me and my mom are going to be moving house. We'll be moving closer to my sister which will be good for my mom, but it will also have benefits for me. The gym I intend to join is across the road and my favourite hairdressers (owned by my cousin) is down the road. So I'll be able to start making the changes to my life that I hoped to make all those  years ago. 

The goals you ask? Simple. Here they are:

Lose weight - I want to go back to being 9st

Get out more - I spend to much time alone and I'm tired of it

Look and dress the way I do in my dreams

Be more confident

Be ambitious

And most of all, I want to gain a purpose, a reason to live. At the moment all i'm doing is coasting through life. Nothing changes and I'm constantly bored. Okay maybe that last one is a lie, (clearly not in a happy mood right now).

So before I get all moody (or even worse), I'm going to go. 

So Good Bye <3 p="">

:(

The thing with depression. Just when you think things are starting to feel better and improve, it comes back. The sinking feelings, the anxiety and the desire to disappear from the world. To not think, to not feel. The numbness is better than the constant anxiety and feeling that you'll never be good enough :( 

When you lose interest in the things you love, when you no longer care about things or anything in general. 

The tiredness and lethargy. :( 

Social Media

So

So 

So

So

What have I got to say about social media??? 

I'm ever so slightly obsessed. So to fix this, I have a plan.

No Twitter or Facebook (main account) for an entire weekend. If I can survive this then I won't be re-installing the apps on my phone. So if people want to contact me they'll have to wait for me to go on my laptop. 

So yes, it's bye bye Twitter and bye bye Facebook starting today. 

New Year!! New me!!! Wait what????

So today's the day I write my New Years post. Kind of late I know, but hey does anyone actually wait for this?? Noope didnt think so. 

So where should I begin??  Oh yes New Years resolutions of 2014!!! Woop 

So I failed

I failed to complete them all. 

Lose weight?? Yes but only 7kg's and ended up gaining 5kgs back. 

Visit Hobbiton?? Nope :/ didn't want to go on my own :,)

Learn to drive? Kinda, I now know how to drive, though I still need a million lessons and still need to take the test. 

Meet new people?? Check, check and check x3 

Get a job?? Booyaaa hunny, I got 3!!! 

Get out more?? Hell yeah, day trips out and weekends away and mini road trips with friends!!

Do fun and crazy things??? Can I just say  CANYON SWING!!!!! OMG was it amazing and fun and crazy and omg!!!

Become more confident?? Maybe?? But only time will tell :) Id like think I have but you know, who knows for sure?? 

Okay so this year, what do I plan to achieve???

More tattoos!!

More piercings!!( just the ears) 

Lose weight!!! 

Meet Serahrahrahrahrahrahraharah!!!

Meet Nina~chan!!! 

Go to London with my mom!!

Pass my drivers test!! XD 

Get a job!!

Holiday to New Zealand!!!

Road trip!! 

Go to Japan!!!

Get a car!!! 

Whew what a list!! Hopefully I'll be able to achieve all of them :3 might have to drag Serah to NZ to visit Hobbitton with me >:D Mwuhaha 

So yeah here we go again!!!

DECEMBER!!

Okay so let's start things with saying "WOW!!" It feels as if the year had only just started and it's coming to an end already. Which means that in less than 50 days I'll be leaving to go back to the UK. As you'd probably guess this isn't the worst news in the world. but to be honest it's not the best news either. I love New Zealand, more so due to the people as opposed to the country, but i suppose it could be worse. So far since being here it has been a bit of a roller-coaster journey. There have been good times and Just don't even go there times, but as of right now I can safely say I wouldn't change a thing. The things that have happened have taught me some valuable life lessons and I'm not about to forget them in a hurry. So what are these lessons, I suppose I should answer that right?? 

 So life lesson one: Look after Number 1 and by number 1 I mean ME/YOU/I, basically yourself. This doesn't mean you have to become self-centered, but to look out for you. Okay??

 Next life lesson: Actions have consequences, whether they are good or bad. You make your bed and you have to lie in it. Sometimes the decisions of others can affect you, and all you can do is stand tall, head up high and ride out the storm. 

 So the very last lesson is simple, Have opinions, have goals, have desires, dreams, wishes, hopes and aspirations and most of all have faith that one day your dreams will come true. But most of all remember this, when one door closes another door opens. You may not see the light now, but in time all will become clear.

"For with each dawn, she found new hope that someday, her dreams of happiness would come true."

So I guess I should quit with the life coaching attempts, heh ¬.¬'' I guess i'm not good at it after all, but oh well. Right so what else can I update you with. Well lets see, the last post I really had a good talk to you with, kinda ended on a depressing note. But I can say since then things have been moving on up. Booyahh hunny!! Right so my birthday happened, I got a new job, I went on a road trip with friends and I started learning to drive. So yeah, not that much has happened but it's been far more eventful than my life has been since I finished school. Guess that shows how much of an anti-social person I am. 

I'm 22 and next year (no surprise) I'll be turning 23. I'd have thought that by now I'd have everything in life basically sorted. Well guess what, it hasn't happened yet. I'm still as childish as ever and I still have no control over my life. So how do you suppose I change this?? First step, learning to drive. Once I have managed to do that my world will open up. I won't be relying on others to get me from A to B, I'll be able to take myself places. So what are my future plans aside from driving? I plan on learning to love myself and appreciate me for what I can provide on my own. I want to be able to buy my own car, rent my own place and hold a steady job. I don't want to be a woman who needs a man, but rather a woman that a man needs. :| Yeah that sounded way better in my head that it does on here but hopefully you get the message right?? It's not like people take that much notice of what I write on here, or do they?? 

Okay so lets switch it up. For the past couple of months I've noticed things changing. I'm no longer agreeing with everything people say and I've kicked the people pleasing habit to a certain degree. I've been doing things my way and have started to feel better for it. I am me and no-one else can be a better me. 

So maybe I should tell you a little bit about myself ( not that you don't know too much already ) 

I'm a 22 year old woman trying to swim in the sea of life. I have lots of hobbies and interests but they all seem to be old granny hobbies; Crosstitching, Sewing, Baking, Knitting, scrapbooking etc... I love music, I basically have a favourite song from every genre, from the heavy metal and Screamo, to the classical melodies. I also love movies, with my favourite genre being thriller/psychological horrors and my least fave genre being comedies. But on saying that I do love  a good Adam Sandler movie, Will Smith, The carry on series and a couple more comedy films :/ SO I guess I'm a bit of a contradiction. But the truth be told that's me all over. I don't like dogs and yet I want a puppy, I hate the colour pink and yet I have pretty much everything in pink. I prefer Winter to summer, Spring to Autumn. White to Black, Gothic to girly, Night to day and the list goes on. My lucky number is 7, though I always seem the find the number 3 doing more favours for me. I love Tarot cards and mystical creatures such as fairies, demons, witches and all things magical, but I don't believe in them. My star sign is cancer and my favourite crystal is Amethyst. So that's it, I don't think I've missed too much out :3

Right so as for the life changing lessons, this is what I've been doing to fix all the mistakes that I keep making. I try to be happy and not let stress get to me which has caused me to develop the f**k it mentality. kinda strange right. The mentality is this, I was anxious about flying to New Zealand on my own, but then suddenly I realised If I didn't take that step I'd be stuck in my hometown forever, the solution is simple, I just thought f**k it, and pushed myself forward. Another way for you to look at it is the "bite the bullet" theory. As at the end of the day if you don't try then you'll always fail, but if you take that chance you have the opportunity to succeed in life. I chose to stop letting my fears control my life, I'm in the driving seat now and THIS IS MY LIFE!!!!