Okay!
Okay okay okay okay okay okay!
So, as always I'm going to start this post complaining about my life followed by my idealistic plans on how I'm going to fix things (which never actually end up happening) and end it on a "oh well that's life" note.
Right? Here comes the complaining. My life is dull boring and not at all what I had dreamed it would be like when I was a child. My day consists of -wake up - work - eat - bath - sleep and repeat! Which is boring. So where do I start? I need to change things. If I don't I'll end up going insane.
So, clearly 2015 isn't shaping up tooo well to be MY year, but it's not over yet, or so I say. I hope to change things. It's just at the moment it's a little bit tricky. hopefully things will change soon and I'll be able to make changes that will be of benefit to me.
What do I need to change? It's simple, my dependency on others. I rely too much on others and every-time I get let down, as I'm clearly not high enough up on their priorities.
Another thing I am going to do is stop wasting energy on trying to make things work with people. I spend time worrying whether or not people are going to like me or not and I've had enough. I'm sick of trying hard to get people to see the real me. But now I no longer care. I'm no longer going to be the person everyone wants me to be, I'm not the baby, I am my own person and I have dreams and goals and aspirations.
I don't want to live in this small town all my life. I want to escape and start a new. I look around my room and feel nothing towards my possessions, things I used to love. These past two years have taught me valuable lessons, that it's people that matter not things. I lost two very important people in my life and it made me realise this, life is short, you never know what tomorrow brings. so I ask myself this question, If I were to die tomorrow, would I be able to say I lived my life to the full? The answer is no. No I haven't. I live in a town I loathe in a country I hate. But I suppose that isn't going to change anytime soon. Is it even realistic to dream I'll ever be able to move to New Zealand. I wish I could give up on that dream, but I can't, I've tasted freedom and it's too good to give up.
So how am I going to change, well first step is going to happen shortly. Fingers crossed it happens. Me and my mom are going to be moving house. We'll be moving closer to my sister which will be good for my mom, but it will also have benefits for me. The gym I intend to join is across the road and my favourite hairdressers (owned by my cousin) is down the road. So I'll be able to start making the changes to my life that I hoped to make all those years ago.
So how am I going to change, well first step is going to happen shortly. Fingers crossed it happens. Me and my mom are going to be moving house. We'll be moving closer to my sister which will be good for my mom, but it will also have benefits for me. The gym I intend to join is across the road and my favourite hairdressers (owned by my cousin) is down the road. So I'll be able to start making the changes to my life that I hoped to make all those years ago.
The goals you ask? Simple. Here they are:
Lose weight - I want to go back to being 9st
Get out more - I spend to much time alone and I'm tired of it
Look and dress the way I do in my dreams
Be more confident
Be ambitious
And most of all, I want to gain a purpose, a reason to live. At the moment all i'm doing is coasting through life. Nothing changes and I'm constantly bored. Okay maybe that last one is a lie, (clearly not in a happy mood right now).
So before I get all moody (or even worse), I'm going to go.
So Good Bye <3 p="">
